就像柯南长篇动漫“贝克街亡灵”的故事一样，任务失败的小朋友一个接一个在柯南面前从游戏中消失。
而我的朋友，也一个接一个地从我的游戏中消失。
义川的消失，带给我的冲击性是很大的；大到我很长一段时间没有办法接受，也不敢去看或听人和他的消息。而这次，无疑是‘消失记二部曲’。是的，那冲击性重演了。
我不常开口和人聊心事，认识我的人会知道我很健谈，可是谈来谈去话题都尽量不会前者到自己的内心世界，所以经常有人抱怨说我很遥远，不好接近。所以我说心事的对象，只有几位，而且固定。可想而知那几位对象在我心里的地位。
我最后一次见他，是在回宿舍的巴士上，当然，‘他’是个我会说心事的对象。如果说人的灵魂有形体有样子的话，那他的灵魂应该是和我最像的那一个。那之后，他决定放手。是的，他曾经对我有感觉，可是我们说好要当最特别的朋友，而我一直相信我们就是好朋友。那对好朋友，放手又是怎么一回事？
我有两个人生中最最最好知己。那是两位男生，我们无所不谈，而且时不时联络见面哈啦。从他们小学到中学到出国，从他们单身到恋爱到分手到再次恋爱，我有事没事就吵吵他们，完全不需要理由，对我而言，这就是朋友。朋友就是，找他的时候不需要理由，而他也同意你的‘没理由’。而我一直以为，是的以为，不是认为，哪位灵魂和我最像的朋友也可以成为像这两个知己一样的死党。可是我忘了，我认识这两个王八蛋，是在小学，在那个还不止爱情为何物的年龄。
而我认识这灵魂最像的朋友，是在大学，在那到处都挥洒着青春，爱情无所不在的年龄。
记忆停留在最后一次在巴士见到他那天，好像那天之后那个他消失在这世界上了一样。
那真的是一种很怪的感觉。因为实体上那人还存在在这世上，你偶尔还会听到他的消息，甚至在学校某个角落遇上，可就是觉得他很陌生。就像是一样的躯体被换了灵魂一样，我对着同样一张脸，可那说话的语气、情感，完全陌生。
他就是那么陌生。
是的，它已经不在了。我指的他的灵魂。
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
有什么好留恋
不久前回家会了我人生中头号知己一面。
我：“快毕业了。“
他：”所以？“
我：”在排日期，希望毕业前把想见的人都见一见。“
他：”我问你，你大学里，所谓的好朋友，真的有那么很好吗？那不
看着他，那张从小学看到现在的王八脸，我沉默。
他：”所以，你有什么好留恋的？“
恒辉吖，我是真的有些”什么“好留恋的。
三年光阴，岁月无声，水过无痕。
是是非非，不过是所难弃者，一点痴念。
所难弃者是我，而我多希望那痴念真的只是”一点“。
我承认最近所谓没有真的很好的好朋友，让我惆怅了一段日子，犹豫着想见的人还该不该见，有没有必要见。于是原本写着一堆想见的人名单的白板，变干净了。可是Facebook上我依然不小心地联络了想见的人。然后我知道，这些人的名字不住在白板上。
而是我心里。
这三年里的疯狂，某些特别的人，某本特别的书，某个特别的夜晚，某条特别的马路，某个特别的桥，某位特别的巴士司机，某张特别的照片，某些……
我怎能，说放下就放下……
我：“快毕业了。“
他：”所以？“
我：”在排日期，希望毕业前把想见的人都见一见。“
他：”我问你，你大学里，所谓的好朋友，真的有那么很好吗？那不
看着他，那张从小学看到现在的王八脸，我沉默。
他：”所以，你有什么好留恋的？“
恒辉吖，我是真的有些”什么“好留恋的。
三年光阴，岁月无声，水过无痕。
是是非非，不过是所难弃者，一点痴念。
所难弃者是我，而我多希望那痴念真的只是”一点“。
我承认最近所谓没有真的很好的好朋友，让我惆怅了一段日子，犹豫着想见的人还该不该见，有没有必要见。于是原本写着一堆想见的人名单的白板，变干净了。可是Facebook上我依然不小心地联络了想见的人。然后我知道，这些人的名字不住在白板上。
而是我心里。
这三年里的疯狂，某些特别的人，某本特别的书，某个特别的夜晚，某条特别的马路，某个特别的桥，某位特别的巴士司机，某张特别的照片，某些……
我怎能，说放下就放下……
Thursday, March 15, 2012
桃花依旧笑春风
今天去了一趟 Balai Cerapan。
眼里看到的，和记忆里大学第一年到访这里时的风景一样。
于是，那一样的一草一木，慢慢勾画出两年前发生在这一草一木前的事，慢慢勾画出曾经一起呐喊的脸孔。
貌似，物是人非的感觉。
我静静地看着，像回忆倒带一样。要是今晚我是一个人来的话，我想我会当成看电影一般，坐下来看看那些年的我们，和那些年的事。
两年前，我的第一次新年倒数。庆幸自己当初开口喊‘闷’，喊倒数，喊人～多么开心难忘的2009年最后一天！！
幸好UTM没有桃花，不然我会被它笑死我的物是人非～
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
眼睛病了
以前的我，在读着一些“远方”的字时，身边偶尔会有人惊叹着：“那么远你看得到？！”
看得到～因为那时眼光师递给我的纸上是写着0和30度的，没有闪光。
现在，我十分确定我的眼睛病了！因为以前看得到的，现在看不到了！
话说某天我兴致勃勃发誓要配眼镜，几天后我在眼镜店里逛了半小时，整间店的镜框我试了80%， 原因是看中的唯一一副镜框要价RM435！！所以我不甘心，无论如何都要相中其他更便宜的。
两天后， 2011年10月27日。
看得到～因为那时眼光师递给我的纸上是写着0和30度的，没有闪光。
现在，我十分确定我的眼睛病了！因为以前看得到的，现在看不到了！
话说某天我兴致勃勃发誓要配眼镜，几天后我在眼镜店里逛了半小时，整间店的镜框我试了80%， 原因是看中的唯一一副镜框要价RM435！！所以我不甘心，无论如何都要相中其他更便宜的。
这幅砍了我RM335的Playboy眼睛躺在了我的书桌上……
死命地让店员扣了100元，但终究心还是会痛，对钞票上Agong的脸，我还是有感情的……
不过镜框设计很不错，尤其是框边上的图案，款式也不会过时，我发誓要戴上三年～
戴上眼镜看起来不赖，大家第一眼的反应都说喜欢，有些还借去试。所以简言之，我不后悔啦～
（只是遗憾眼睛病了，恐怕这一病，康复不了，哀哉）
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
蘇打綠
最近愛上蘇打綠的歌。
淺白易懂的歌詞，卻總是有意無意地勾劃出很深的意味。
主唱吳青峰寫的歌，總是輕輕快快地唱，聽的同時，其實已不知不覺認同了個中的意義。
打個比方吧，有句歌詞是這麼寫的：“我們都是一個人加另一個人生出來的臉孔”
輕描淡寫，沒有任何裝飾，越是真實。
淺白易懂的歌詞，卻總是有意無意地勾劃出很深的意味。
主唱吳青峰寫的歌，總是輕輕快快地唱，聽的同時，其實已不知不覺認同了個中的意義。
打個比方吧，有句歌詞是這麼寫的：“我們都是一個人加另一個人生出來的臉孔”
輕描淡寫，沒有任何裝飾，越是真實。
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
一闪一闪亮晶晶
今天，我决定帮他庆祝生日。
今天过后，他的生日，与我无关。
我们之间的相处模式，拖到今天，也够了。
这种对话，刻意地疏远，让友情正式走上彼此的陌路。
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
散步去吧
那边他们在开心地帮朋友庆祝生日
这里我独自“一闪一闪亮晶晶”
散啊散地，或许就能把这一切一点一点地撒在路边，就别再带在身边了。
对了，屠妖节快乐。
今天过后，他的生日，与我无关。
我们之间的相处模式，拖到今天，也够了。
这种对话，刻意地疏远，让友情正式走上彼此的陌路。
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
散步去吧
那边他们在开心地帮朋友庆祝生日
这里我独自“一闪一闪亮晶晶”
散啊散地，或许就能把这一切一点一点地撒在路边，就别再带在身边了。
对了，屠妖节快乐。
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
小魔头走了
这是我家小魔头，今年五岁，人小鬼大。
她从满月就到我家，岁月无声，水过无痕，竟一眨眼住了五年，闹过我的SPM和STPM，也曾参观过我的大学。 曾被我打过，曾对我撒娇过，每天很喜欢替我梳头发，也很喜欢我帮她冲凉。
五年的陪伴，我真的很喜欢这个古灵精怪，气死人也笑死人的小魔头。她固执得让人头疼，却也倔强地可爱，是我至今除了弟弟外，最疼最疼的小孩。
她从满月就到我家，岁月无声，水过无痕，竟一眨眼住了五年，闹过我的SPM和STPM，也曾参观过我的大学。 曾被我打过，曾对我撒娇过，每天很喜欢替我梳头发，也很喜欢我帮她冲凉。
 | ||
| 她嘟嘴的时候，很有蜡笔小新妹妹的风范 |
今天，是妈妈最后一天当她保姆。我之前买了很多发夹，打算新年时帮她戴上，如果新年她会来拜年的话。我找了一些卡通电影及韩国少女组合MV，等她周末来打枪我电脑，如果她妈妈肯让她过来的话。
Friday, October 14, 2011
You Are Not Truly Alone
" You are not truly alone "文字敲打在键盘上，这句话敲打在我心上。
大半年前的一句话，至今记忆犹新。
他到底懂我多少，才会一语刺中我要害？
在我一个人承担、一个人奔波、一个人面对的时候，他给我的体谅和信任，比别人多，这些我是知道的。
那一张普通的纸条，简洁的结尾，让在我倔强地一个人咬紧牙关时，懦弱地去相信去依赖。
原来在心深处，“孤单”只不过是我的独白。
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Unleash Asia Pacific 2011
Today Unleash Asia Pacific 2011 has officially ended.
Opps..before this let me introduce a little about Unleash AP. It's actually an annual Asia Pacific Congress held to gather AIESEC executive from Asia Pacific region to sit together to analyze growth, develop and implement strategies towards AIESEC 2015 goal.
It was during the sharing session, i was sitting there quietly, listening to others sharing on how much they have learnt, grew and how far they have gone.Personally feel proud with Kim, a guy that i never imagine i can share that much of my personal feeling at the first time i meet him, basically i treat him as my younger brother, and this is where proud comes when he is doing such a good job and putting in so much of commitment and responsibility in Communication Department--a field that he never work before. Then it was my turn to share
I have been follow up Unleash since last semester, being 1 of the person in charge to bid for Unleash from AIESEC International. I survey hotel quotation and prepare the budget, at one moment i love it until wanted to run for Congress Committee President (CCP), but in the end i didn't. There were 3 candidates running for this position, but even before the CCP being elected, i was assigned to be the financial controller for this event, by Zhang. Then, Faye was elected. Just because her working style is too much different and much random compared to mine, while both of us having super ironic characteristic, i quit from the team, else i know i will overtake her role.
However, Unleash is always in my heart, i can't stop myself from asking how is Unleash progress now, i can't pull myself away from checking their budget, yet can't stop myself from accepting Faye's invitation to become onsite committee. Soon, i started to quarrel or oppose Faye, for all the ridiculously last minute work and unprofessional way toward completing task. Until the last day of Unleash, frankly say, i did not involve much in Unleash, not generating much result.
It happen during the sharing also, when it was Zhang's turn, right after mine. He said that our president, Wei Jun is a new to international congress, so do Faye. So basically he is handling 2 newbies, who he could hardly trust. I was pain to hear this. He said this to me when he assigned me as the financial controller, without asking my permission, "I trust Wei Jun, individually, and i trust Faye, also individually, but i don't trust them when they work together. You know i seldom trust people, but i trust you, that's why i need you to handle the finance." I have totally throw this conversation out of my mind when i rejected Faye to be in the team. Then only i realize why he put me in the team, because he takes me as someone who can share his burden, but it turns out i leave him alone. I really wanted to ask him :"Zhang, are you disappointed with me after u get to know that i have leave the team?"
Still, i keep everything in my mind, silently, there is no point sharing my true feeling or asking him that question. I just don't wanna let them know, i actually care for Unleash a lot, i do.
Opps..before this let me introduce a little about Unleash AP. It's actually an annual Asia Pacific Congress held to gather AIESEC executive from Asia Pacific region to sit together to analyze growth, develop and implement strategies towards AIESEC 2015 goal.
It was during the sharing session, i was sitting there quietly, listening to others sharing on how much they have learnt, grew and how far they have gone.Personally feel proud with Kim, a guy that i never imagine i can share that much of my personal feeling at the first time i meet him, basically i treat him as my younger brother, and this is where proud comes when he is doing such a good job and putting in so much of commitment and responsibility in Communication Department--a field that he never work before. Then it was my turn to share
"I actually didn't involve much in Unleash, however i did not regret for joining the CC team"Ya, this is what i said, only 2 sentences. There are so many things in my mind, but i just don't feel like to say it out.
I have been follow up Unleash since last semester, being 1 of the person in charge to bid for Unleash from AIESEC International. I survey hotel quotation and prepare the budget, at one moment i love it until wanted to run for Congress Committee President (CCP), but in the end i didn't. There were 3 candidates running for this position, but even before the CCP being elected, i was assigned to be the financial controller for this event, by Zhang. Then, Faye was elected. Just because her working style is too much different and much random compared to mine, while both of us having super ironic characteristic, i quit from the team, else i know i will overtake her role.
However, Unleash is always in my heart, i can't stop myself from asking how is Unleash progress now, i can't pull myself away from checking their budget, yet can't stop myself from accepting Faye's invitation to become onsite committee. Soon, i started to quarrel or oppose Faye, for all the ridiculously last minute work and unprofessional way toward completing task. Until the last day of Unleash, frankly say, i did not involve much in Unleash, not generating much result.
It happen during the sharing also, when it was Zhang's turn, right after mine. He said that our president, Wei Jun is a new to international congress, so do Faye. So basically he is handling 2 newbies, who he could hardly trust. I was pain to hear this. He said this to me when he assigned me as the financial controller, without asking my permission, "I trust Wei Jun, individually, and i trust Faye, also individually, but i don't trust them when they work together. You know i seldom trust people, but i trust you, that's why i need you to handle the finance." I have totally throw this conversation out of my mind when i rejected Faye to be in the team. Then only i realize why he put me in the team, because he takes me as someone who can share his burden, but it turns out i leave him alone. I really wanted to ask him :"Zhang, are you disappointed with me after u get to know that i have leave the team?"
Still, i keep everything in my mind, silently, there is no point sharing my true feeling or asking him that question. I just don't wanna let them know, i actually care for Unleash a lot, i do.
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